How to Sit with Disappointment

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Disappointment is an inevitable part of life. From not landing a desired job to experiencing personal setbacks, everyone encounters moments when things don't go as planned. Learning how to sit with disappointment is a valuable skill that can enhance emotional resilience and personal growth.

Disappointment arises when reality does not meet our expectations. It is a complex emotion that can encompass feelings of sadness, frustration, and even anger. Recognising and accepting these feelings is the first step in managing disappointment effectively. Consider a student who has studied diligently for an important exam, only to receive a lower-than-expected grade. The initial wave of disappointment might include feelings of inadequacy and frustration, but these emotions can be navigated constructively.

Acknowledge Your Feelings

The first step in sitting with disappointment is to acknowledge your feelings. It's natural to want to suppress or ignore negative emotions, but doing so can lead to greater emotional distress. Allow yourself to feel disappointed, and give yourself permission to experience the associated emotions. If you've missed out on a job promotion, take a moment to acknowledge your disappointment. You might feel a mix of sadness and frustration, and that's perfectly okay. By recognising these feelings, you validate your emotional experience and create a foundation for moving forward.

Practice Self-Compassion

Self-compassion involves treating yourself with the same kindness and understanding that you would offer to a friend. When facing disappointment, it's important to avoid self-criticism and focus on self-support. Imagine a friend who has just experienced a breakup. You wouldn't tell them to "get over it" or that they "should have seen it coming." Instead, you'd likely offer comfort and understanding. Extend this same compassion to yourself by acknowledging that disappointment is a part of life and that you are worthy of kindness.

Reflect on the Experience

Disappointment can be a valuable teacher. Reflect on what led to your disappointment and what you can learn from the experience. This reflection can help you gain insights and develop strategies for future situations. After a failed business venture, take a step back and analyse what went wrong. Were there aspects of the plan that were unrealistic? Did external factors play a significant role? By reflecting on these questions, you can identify areas for improvement and apply these lessons to future endeavours.

Set Realistic Expectations

One of the root causes of disappointment is having unrealistic expectations. While it's important to aim high and set ambitious goals, it's equally crucial to maintain a realistic perspective. Setting achievable goals can help mitigate the intensity of disappointment when things don't go as planned. If you're training for a marathon, it's important to set realistic milestones. Instead of aiming to run the entire distance in a short time frame, break it down into manageable segments. Celebrate each milestone, and adjust your expectations based on your progress.

Develop Coping Strategies

Having a toolkit of coping strategies can help you navigate disappointment more effectively. These strategies might include mindfulness practices, physical activity, or engaging in hobbies that bring you joy. After receiving negative feedback on a creative project, you might turn to mindfulness meditation to centre yourself and reduce stress. Alternatively, going for a run or engaging in a favourite hobby can help shift your focus and improve your mood.

Seek Support

You don't have to navigate disappointment alone. Reach out to friends, family, or a mental health professional for support. Talking about your feelings can provide relief and offer new perspectives. If you're feeling overwhelmed by disappointment after not getting into your desired university, consider talking to a trusted friend or family member. They can offer a listening ear and may provide valuable insights or encouragement.

Focus on Growth and Resilience

Every experience of disappointment offers an opportunity for growth and building resilience. Embrace the idea that setbacks are a part of the journey towards success and personal development. After a failed audition, a performer might use the experience to refine their skills and improve their technique. By viewing disappointment as a stepping stone rather than a roadblock, you can cultivate a mindset of growth and resilience.

Practise Gratitude

Finally, gratitude can be a powerful antidote to disappointment. By focusing on what you have rather than what you lack, you can shift your perspective and foster a more positive outlook. If you're disappointed about a cancelled holiday, take a moment to reflect on the aspects of your life that you are grateful for, such as good health, supportive relationships, and past travel experiences. This practice can help balance your emotions and reduce the sting of disappointment.

Sitting with disappointment is a challenging but essential skill. By acknowledging your feelings, practising self-compassion, reflecting on the experience, setting realistic expectations, developing coping strategies, seeking support, focusing on growth, and practising gratitude, you can navigate disappointment with resilience and grace. Remember, disappointment is not the end of the story but a part of the journey towards personal growth and fulfilment.

Authors: Brodi Killen, Stephanie Mace and Samantha Pearce

Educational and Developmental Psychologists and Counselling Psychologist - With You Allied Health Directors