Building Emotional Intelligence in Children: Why It Matters

Image by S&B Vonlanthen@blavon on Unsplash

Raising emotionally intelligent children is one of the most powerful investments parents, caregivers, and educators can make in a child's future. Emotional intelligence, often referred to as EQ, isn’t just about recognising and naming feelings – it’s about understanding emotions in ourselves and others, managing those emotions effectively, and using emotional understanding to build strong relationships.

When we talk about setting kids up for success, academics and sporting achievements often dominate the conversation. However, research consistently shows that children with high emotional intelligence perform better across all areas of life – from the classroom to the playground, and eventually in the workplace and adult relationships. EQ underpins resilience, empathy, problem-solving, and healthy communication. In short, it’s a critical life skill.

What is Emotional Intelligence?

Emotional intelligence includes a set of skills that allow individuals to navigate emotional and social situations with greater awareness and skill. These include:

• Recognising and naming emotions in oneself and others

• Understanding the causes and consequences of emotions

• Managing and regulating emotional responses

• Demonstrating empathy

• Using emotional knowledge to guide thinking and behaviour

While some children may naturally show higher levels of EQ, it is not a fixed trait. Emotional intelligence can be taught, modelled, and nurtured over time – and early childhood is a key window for development.

Why Building EQ in Childhood Matters

1. Improved Relationships

Children with emotional intelligence tend to have stronger peer relationships. They can recognise how others are feeling, respond with empathy, and manage social dynamics more effectively. This often translates to fewer conflicts, more cooperative play, and more secure friendships. Importantly, children with EQ also tend to have better communication skills – they can explain what they need, listen to others, and work through misunderstandings in a respectful way.

2. Greater Academic Success

Although it may seem unrelated at first glance, emotional intelligence is strongly linked to academic performance. Children who can manage their emotions are more likely to stay focused, persist through challenges, and navigate the pressures of the classroom. They’re better able to cope with feedback, work collaboratively, and seek help when needed.

3. Better Mental Health

EQ acts as a protective factor for mental health. Children who are able to identify and talk about their feelings are less likely to bottle up emotions, which can lead to anxiety, frustration, or depression. Teaching children emotional regulation gives them the tools to soothe themselves, manage stress, and develop a strong sense of self-worth. This is particularly important as children transition into adolescence, where emotional ups and downs become more frequent.

4. Lifelong Resilience

Life is full of challenges, disappointments, and changes. Emotional intelligence helps children bounce back from setbacks. They learn that emotions – even the uncomfortable ones – are valid and manageable. EQ fosters adaptability, grit, and the confidence to face difficult situations without becoming overwhelmed or reactive.

How to Support Emotional Intelligence Development

Start with Emotional Literacy

Use feeling words in everyday conversation. Instead of asking “How was your day?” try “What made you feel happy or frustrated today?” Naming emotions gives children the vocabulary to express themselves and encourages open conversations.

Model Emotion Regulation

Children learn by watching. When adults name their own feelings and model healthy coping strategies – like taking deep breaths, taking space, or talking things through – kids are more likely to mirror those strategies themselves.

Validate Emotions Without Judgement

All emotions are valid, even if certain behaviours need to be addressed. Saying “I can see you’re really upset” before setting a boundary helps children feel heard and understood. This promotes trust and emotional safety.

Encourage Perspective-Taking

Help children see things from another person’s point of view. Ask questions like “How do you think they felt when that happened?” This builds empathy and supports the development of strong, respectful relationships.

Teach Problem-Solving

Guide children to think through emotional challenges. If a friend hurt their feelings, explore together what they might say or do next time. This empowers children to handle future situations with greater confidence and independence.

Building EQ is a Long-Term Journey

Emotional intelligence is not a one-time lesson; it’s something children build across years of experiences, conversations, and supportive relationships. Mistakes and meltdowns are part of learning. What matters most is creating environments – at home, in school, and in the community – where emotions are welcomed, understood, and navigated with care.

As psychologists working closely with children, teens, and families, we often see the profound impact of emotional intelligence on a child’s life. Whether it’s managing anxiety, navigating friendships, or building confidence, EQ is the foundation that supports every other area of development.

Every child benefits when we make emotional intelligence a priority.

Authors: Brodi Killen, Stephanie Mace and Samantha Pearce

Educational and Developmental Psychologists and Counselling Psychologist – With You Allied Health Directors